Hello, fellow writer! You’ve stumbled across my old Substack on your writing journey. However, never fear, I am still talking about crafting a joyful writing practice, writing collaboratively with my partner, and just musing on writing in general over at my other Substack, Petra Glyphs. I’d love to see you over there. (And you can find all these past articles over there as well.)
I’m going to share with you one of the biggest things I’ve realized on my journey to joyful writing. (Alright, yes, there are several big things, but this is definitely towards the top.)
It’s okay to take days off.
This last week has been a bit of a mess for me. I’ve had some personal stresses, hurt my leg, and four weeks ago I caught a cold, which wasn’t so bad — but it turned into sinusitis and hasn’t left. Also not so bad on the daily. But it’s made sleep very hard to come by.
And when I don’t get sleep, I get overwhelmed. I’ve cried at least twice this week. Big cries. Because even though we adults often don’t like to admit it, just like children we need rest, food, stability, and time to play. And when we don’t get those things, we get unhappy.
If this week had happened to me a few years ago I would have done one of two things: I would have pushed through, wrote, and been very annoyed that I wasn’t connecting with my writing, or, I would have watched Netflix and internally berated myself for not doing something important — been angry with myself for not moving forward. Assumed I wasn’t accomplishing anything.
I definitely would have called myself lazy.
For most of my life I’ve equated rest with being lazy. 😳 I ‘knew’ that rest was something you succumbed to if you weren’t strong enough. Sadly, that meant whenever I did ‘give in’ to rest, I berated myself for not being tough enough, not figuring out the right systems. And I definitely didn’t tell people when I needed rest, or that I was actually resting. That would have revealed my weak spot. (I can attest that this anti-rest idea was very bad for my mental, physical, and emotional health.)
Rest as an unnecessary element of life is something we’re taught from a lot of directions. We’re taught to have confidence in our work, our grind, our hustle.
It starts young. Kids are supposed to be involved in everything: music lessons, sports, friends, family, social media, school, theater, prepping to get into a good college or get a good job. Because, ‘we need to make sure they’re keeping up’.
Then we get to college and it’s perfectly normal to pull an overnight study session. To drink coffee by the gallon. (Laced with massive amounts of sugar.) To be taught we need to juggle studies, jobs, friends, dates, and family, and still be bright eyed and bushy tailed because, ‘you’re still young, you’ve got so much energy’.
Then it morphs into pushing at that new job because we want to prove ourselves and get the promotion or the raise or the praise or just keep the fucking job. Then some of us become parents and we go nights without real sleep and still need to make sure we’re keeping ourselves and our infant fed, bathed, and dressed. Then we get into our middle-aged years and perhaps we become caretakers for our own parents, or it’s ‘I just need to work hard enough to save for retirement’ or ‘to put my kids through college’.
Then we finally reach retirement and we don’t want to be bored. Bored! Like it’s the worst thing in the world. (Rest assured, I’ll be talking about boredom in a future post. Repeat pun intended. 😉)
So if we’re feeling like we aren’t allowed to take a moment to pause and rest it’s not surprising. If we feel like we literally can’t take a moment to pause and rest, it’s also not surprising.
Here’s where I tell you how this week has been different for me since shifting my attitude toward rest.
My house isn’t sorted. (Honestly, it’s a mess and the bathroom definitely needs to be cleaned.) I’m running the absolute bare minimum of errands. I’m eating simple, quick food. I’m rewatching Gilmore girls with my sore leg on a pillow. I’m reading a stack of old periodicals I’ve been waiting to get to. I’m writing my Substack posts. And, when my head feels like it can, I’m daydreaming about my stories. That’s all. (Okay, I’m also doing some salt water gargling and steam inhaling, because a girl wants to breathe.)
But, the biggest change about this last week is… I’m not telling myself I’m lazy.
Because I’m not lazy.
Let’s be honest, our culture of success and accomplishment is often shaped by people who are physically healthy, who have partners at home to take care of the kids, who don’t have to survive a few days a month of bleeding and cramps, who aren’t going through menopause, who have the money to pay other people to do the chores and errands and daily tasks that can fill a day. And when those circumstances don’t apply to us, we feel like we have to push even harder just to stay in the game.
But we don’t have to push harder. Because not only do we get to decide how we play the game, we also get some say in what games we sign up for in the first place. (I unsigned up for cleaning the bathroom this week.) And even though life can be intense and there are times when we do have to expend more energy, at the very least, we don’t need to push ourselves when it comes to our writing and creativity.
Realizing that rest is not only allowed for creatives, but necessary, imperative even, has shifted my attitude toward myself and my writing.
We use the term ‘rest assured’ to imply confidence. “Rest assured everything will be okay,” “Rest assured I’ll take care of that,” “Rest assured you’ve got this.” And here’s why I’ve learned to have confidence in rest.
This last year I’ve taken several periods of rest. All while practicing changing my inner narrative about it. It wasn’t easy — it’s taken me a few years, because I can be stubborn to a fault — however I’ve noticed a big shift in the last six months. And it’s been amazing!
Instead of wasting time and energy berating myself for being lazy, or writing something because I was forcing myself to, when I come back from those periods of rest I jump right back into the active part of writing, often with more insight than I had before.
When I feel rested I feel excited to re-engage with my stories. Allowing myself time to miss my process is good. Making sure I’m taking care of myself not only keeps me nourished, it also shows me I can let my stories rest too. There’s an amazing beauty in allowing rest to incorporate itself throughout my creative life.
Letting my stories rest often shows me new things about them. It can be a great way to see what needs a bit of shifting or altering. But even better, it can be a wonderful way to see what’s so fabulous about my stories. I’m seeing them with fresh eyes, with a rested and ready mind. And there’s no better way to approach something joyfully.
It wasn’t instant, but allowing and actively working with myself to accept that I need rest, learning to enjoy rest, and proving to myself that taking a break doesn’t actually break my creativity, has been so healing for me and my creative journey.
So now I’m going to curl back up in my hoodie, with my tea, and my saline spray, and my leg pillow, and rest assured that when I get back to my story, it will be there waiting for me, and we’ll see each other with clearer eyes and the joy of reuniting with a good friend.
Love you, Petra ❤️
Inner Adventures
I know we’re all busy, so these inner adventures are only here as an offering (and may not be in every post). I’m including them as a little assist on the journey. Please feel free to ignore them if they don’t serve you. Or change them if you think there’s a better question for you — basically, ask the question you wish I had asked. And remember, no one is looking at your answers, so let loose.
~ What feelings come up when you think about the word ‘rest’?
~ What attitudes have you absorbed from your family, co-workers, and/or culture about rest?
~ Imagine a perfect day of rest for yourself. What does it look like?
~ The next time you have some extra energy, take a few minutes to write yourself a ‘rest and relaxation plan’. It might include: people you can ask to watch your kids or pets, a list of quick foods to make, a place you can relax in, music that helps you feel calm, shows you love to watch, clothes that help you feel comfy and relaxed, and anything else you can think of to help you prep for those days you really need rest. Tuck it away for a day you need it.
If you liked this post, I’d love for you to head over to my new home for Good Writing Days and leave a like and a comment. You can find all these past articles and my newest articles there.